Tina Rowley

writer + (performer) + [space left open for surprises]

Filtering by Tag: meme

meme break

Hey! I forgot to post yesterday! Hell's bells. I posted three times on Monday, and then I was a crazy primaryhead and forgot to post, or thought I already had. Ah, dude. Dude. Well. I made it under the wire for today.

May I just say that I have got complete election exhaustion. I have got to dial it back. I have all kinds of thoughts about Tuesday's primaries, but I don't even want to look in my head and find out what they are right now. I wept this morning a little - not so much because Hillary had such a good night, but because I want it to be over already already. I'm ready to go under general anaesthesia until we have a nominee.

So good old Wacky Mommy has ridden in on a white steed with a sweet, sweet meme to distract me. I accept you, meme. I do you now.

1. I can’t believe I’ve never…
…won an Academy Award. I mean, you know. I can believe it. I utterly believe it. But also, I'm just starting to believe it. What I mean to say is that there is a tiny, retarded place deep inside me that doesn't quite understand that I'm not a famous film actor, or that I'm unlikely to suddenly pull a Marlee Matlin or an Anna Paquin and sneak up on a win from obscurity. But this year, the tiny place started to understand. Did you guys know that the Oscars are actually sort of boring? I just found out. They're only exciting if you kind of a little bit think you might win one someday.

2. Every time I think about … I still cringe.
Well, I tell you this. I know it's about a boy. But which boy? I am rife with cringeworthy boy stories. You got your formal dances with boys I had the supercrushes on wherein things were looking good and then suddenly I got wasted and put my foot through a deck and threw up on everybody and passed out. You got your myriad I-refuse-to-believe-you-don't-actually-love-me-so-this-eloquent-letter-or-serious-conversation-I-drag-you-into-will-help-you-understand scenarios. You broke up with me already? Oh. I didn't...was I there? I was? Oh.

3. I wish I’d …when I had the chance.
Gone to India after college. A friend of the family was the head of a school of theater and dance outside of Madras (Chennai), and he invited me to come for six months and learn about Kathakali, which is a classical form of Indian dance-drama. My parents would have been willing to pay and send me there. My dad was all for it. But I was in a big soggy depression and I was sleeping 14 hours a day and the thought was too overwhelming. What a chowderhead! I mean, it's sad. I'm sorry I was sad and soggy. But snap out of it! Free trip to India under shit-hot conditions! Dang.

4. I’ve never felt so out of place as when I…
...moved from New York to Seattle when I was nine. I thought everybody said "coffee" and "sorry" and "pen" and "friend" like total assholes. Who were the Mariners?? If anyone was asking if I asked to move here, the answer was NO. Fistfights ensued. (Not with my parents.) (I suppose it goes without saying that it's not a "fistfight" if you're nine and it's with your parents.)

5. … is my guiltiest pleasure.
I have no shame for all the bad tv we watch, so I think that's not it. I think it's Us Magazine. Yes. That has some shame in it. Tabloids make people's lives difficult. I am not one of those who's like, Fuck famous people and their little feelings. Go spend ten thousand dollars and call George Clooney and you'll feel better. But apparently I am a little bit cavalier with them because I subscribe to Us Magazine. You're welcome, pararazzi. Every week when it arrives I'm like, all right! And then I read it and I'm like, is that it? That's all it is? And then the next week when it arrives I'm like, oh, sweet fruit! The Us is here! I'm like that amnesiac fish in Finding Nemo. And a little bit amoral in this regard. Sorry, famous people.

6. I hope … knows how grateful I am for …
Dave. I hope Dave knows how grateful I am for the incredible patience and beauty and generosity of his love, and for what a stunning father he is. I'll be in love with that man until the day I die. Meeting him was the ultimate stroke of luck. I'm telling you, I'm like a walking four-leaf clover. And Finn! He tears into my chest cavity with his bare hands many times a day and grabs my heart and stretches it out and stuffs it back in five times bigger and looser than it was before. It's my job every day to try and convey to him how much joy he brings me. I want him to know it in his bones.

7. In my darkest hours, I secretly blame … for my dysfunction.
Well, hey, look. It's a secret. And these aren't my darkest hours. So I will pass.

8. … changed my life forever.
Dave and Finn. And moving to Seattle, even what with the fistfights and the Mariners. If we hadn't, I'd be somewhere else doing something different right now with an entirely different group of friends and no Dave and Finn. Not interested! Nein, danke! I'll take what I have.

It be time to tag. Who I tag? I tag...who updates their blog? I tag...Bladio Blogio and La Ketch and Stupid Mommy and a recent addition to this blogroll, Miss Mango Hedgehog. Thank you, W.M.! This was a nice hour in which I didn't bite my fingernails for Barack Obama. Like a little trip to the spa.

nablopomo day 28: i meme me

Oh, will you look at that? I've just tagged myself for a meme. Tina! Really?! You want to know a hundred things about me? Oh, man. That's great.

A hundred things is a lot of things, so feel free to space out or play Free Cell or something while I'm doing this. This shit is self-indulgent in the extreme. I know.

Oh, screw it. I'm just going to do 28 things. For the 28th day of NaBloPoMo.

28 things...I don't even like to say "about me". That should be one. But it's not:

1. When I'm tired, often I will say, "Ooh la la" to express it.
2. I went to high school with a guy named John Belcher.
3. I went to college with a guy named John Burpee.
4. Before every performance, if I take a sip of water, I will burp four thousand times.
5. I get scared that I will go on stage burping.
6. This has never happened.
7. Also before I go on stage, I like to touch the walls backstage to feel their temperature.
8. Noticing cold or warm things with my hands calms my nerves.
9. 1983, end of freshman year in high school, voted Best Personality.
10. 1986, end of senior year in high school, expecting to receive this accolade again.
11. Voted class clown instead.
12. I'm sort of pleased, but also think, "Has my personality eroded?"
13. Also won "Patriot Award" at a special assembly where people's parents come and it's a surprise and everything and it's this deep honor.
14. Missed the assembly because my brother was graduating from Harvard.
15. Found this out after we returned from my brother's graduation.
16. Found out that my parents had known it all along.
17. Never knew why I won that award.
18. Am still mad.
19. When I say "am" without "I", I feel like I'm trying to be Bridget Jones.
20. I don't like to feel like that.
21. When others use the am-without-I construction, I am jealous of their freewheeling, not-caring-if-they-sound-like-Bridget-Jones ways.
22. I care too much what other people think.
23. I work against that as much as I can.
24. When I eat Indian food, I don't know or care if I'm full.
25. I love Gossip Girl.
26. Shut up. I love it. I don't care.
27. See 22 & 23.
28. I feel the pressure of this last item. This list should end with bang. It would be good it if were funny. But also extra-revealing. Shocking, maybe! Okay.
28. I'm pregnant!
28. I am not pregnant.

the realization of a long-held dream

I have been tagged for a meme. FINALLY.

You don't know, you don't know how I've longed for this. Quietly in my heart I have ached for somebody to demand to know five things I ate for dinner last month. The invisible subtext of all comments I've ever left on anyone's posts, the subtext of every post I have written has been


Taaaag meeeee. Meme.

I could tell you so many things about myself, everyone. There are a hundred things about me. There are two hundred things. Oh my god, ask me. Just ask.

And now that Wacky Mommy has looked into my soul and found this need - thank you, Wacky Mommy - I find myself...well, it's like this meme is like Tawny Kitaen or Kelly LeBrock, say, and I'm like Anthony Michael Hall (and this analogy has to happen in 1985 because I don't know who today's people for this would be) and the meme has walked by in a spandex minidress and I've been like RRrrOWrrrr! Hey baby! How 'bout it! all cat-calling her, and now she's walked up to me all You wouldn't know what to do with me if you had me and I'm like GULP. She's RIGHT.

Ten Things that My Family or Friends Don't Know About Me:

1. ...Um...Miss LeBrock? I (squeak) think you're really pretty...
2. .......(sweating)......
3. ...Um...heh heh!
4. ......
5. ....We're having a dance on Friday if....
6. ......
7. ......
(boobs and butt)....(boobs)...(butt)....um....
8. ....This is my friend, Danny...
9. ...
(I feel something weird that I don't understand.)...
10. ....
(I want Kelly LeBrock to walk away.).... :(

Okay, now I'll really try to make this dream come true:

(Note: The huge font of what follows is not my fault! It wouldn't not do it! I tried and tried to avert this disaster. My first meme and it's all big and ungainly. Son of a bitch.)

1. I said I voted in the 1988 presidential elections, but I didn't. Registering to vote and figuring out where to go...it was too much for me. Dukakis, I am sorry. I am a faker.
2. When I went to Mexico for spring break during my junior year of college, a boy became infatuated with me whose name was Nacho. He was very nice but I was like...your name is Nacho.
3. When I can't convince Finn to take a nap, I feel like competent parents everywhere are laughing at me, and I long for the days when he needs pep talks instead of naps.
4. I have long stated that bell peppers don't agree with me. And while that may have been true at one point, I think now it's just more that I'm a pussy about them. And now it is a very small project of mine to re-introduce the bell pepper into my diet. Take it one day at a time. No promises.
5. There's a freckle on my left foot that I believe renders it unbearably hot. That foot is smokin'. Like a French actress. Like a sex kitten. I have a crush on it.
6. Nobody ever needs to buy me anything with a crew neck, because I ain't gonna wear it.
7. If I forget to do something for long enough that embarrassment sets in, I will never do it. Never for so long. Never for a very long time. Making mountains out of what once could have been crumbs.
8. I am so proud to be in the same family with my in-laws. I love their vibe. Funny and warm and unpretentious and dashing! Clever and kind! Hearts all exactly in the right place. Priorities perfect. LOVE THEM.
9. Last night I was more excited to watch The Amazing Race than I was to watch The Sopranos. And yet my self-esteem somehow remains intact.
10. Sometimes when I listen to music, I imagine myself doing the world's most awesome lip-synch back at my old college in the amphitheatre. I bring today's hits back to my college days and blow them all away with OutKast numbers and whatnot.

All right. Now I'm the tagger. Now I tag it. I tag...whom do I tag...I tag La Ketch. I tag Certainlia. I tag Bladio Blogio. I tag Complain-O-Peeps. I tag Virtual Hyperbole. And I tag Eve. And you, too. All of yous. And I ask you to tell us 3 fantasies about yourself if you were a total, unbelievable success. Like the hero of all future reunions.

Oh, man. Dear Diary. You were right! It finally happened!