Tina Rowley

writer + (performer) + [space left blank for surprises]

Welcome to the internet home of Tina Rowley. Here you'll find my blog, links to my other published writing, and whatever ends up climbing into the space I left blank for surprises.

 

the politest response to the birthday song is, we now realize, MOO



Hello. Welcome to the post about my party. Am I blowing your mind? I'm not right side up. Believe it. Read it and weep. Eat it and reap. Balloon? You have the floor.



I am the first balloon that Finn ever saw. I blew his mind and strained his neck. That is all.



I am the cake. Your trash-talking was futile. I prevailed. He forfeited. The game was over before it began.



Oh, he poked me a little. He marred my icing slightly.



But Mother, Father, your hopes of a faceplant were in vain. I am too big! Too intimidating! A baby's face could get lost and never seen again in my pillowy depths. Finn was wise, he knew this. I do not call him a coward. He refrained.



Smile on, parents. My demise was orderly and dignified yet.




Cake, I have to stop you there. You were going to go on. I, a man, must intervene. A man is someone who is in the 1 and over demographic. I am in that demographic. Party? Thoughts?



I am the party. I'm...going well! I'm....I wasn't planning on speaking. I...? It was...right, I...I was fun. I was had by all. ? A good time! Oh, damn it. I didn't know I was going to be speaking.



Thank you, party, for taking a stab at public speaking. You were fine. I, the man, the baby, was also awesome leading up to my birthday, in addition to on it. Behold it, me, awesomeness. Of.









Yes.



I am the baby. Now a toddler, now a man. Thank you for looking at me, thank you for thinking about me and speaking about me.

Yours totally goddamned UPSIDE DOWN
and old and blowing your mind,
Finn